A big step for me, a massive step for… me !

I had an argument with my dad…

Wow ! I can’t believe it. I told him what I thought of him and his lack of “balls” (I’m even going to try to be polite here ;) ) and what I thought of his wife.

Little bit of background:

After my parents separated when I was 13 (kicking my dad out of the house), my dad married a woman almost 20 years younger than him (Stereotype !) and only 10 older than me. My dad and step-mum are all about appearances. They have a bit of money so they want to show the “perfect” family.

After a bumpy start with my step-mum, we grew up and managed to get along. Quite well actually. I talk more to her than my dad (broken relationship are difficult to fix).

Back to yesterday:

I called to have some news like we do once or twice a month. I talked to my dad for 10 minutes then to my step-mum for 15 min or so and we hung up. I received a call 2 seconds later from him again. But it was a pocket dial.

My step mum was mocking me and was being very mean. I listened for a bit and hanged up.

I sent him a text saying that it was shame that they are mocking me behind my back and that I thought we moved on in our lives but I was apparently the only one.

He left me a message on my voicemail this morning telling me that he didn’t understand my text. I called him back and he dared telling me that I heard wrong (one of his favourite tricks with me). I was fuming and told him that he shouldn’t freaking dare telling me that. I then change his tone and apologise. It’s the first time I hear an apology from him ! Wait a minute, it’s not all. He told me that he loved me ! He never told me that ! NEVER ! I was shouting until this point and was actually quite shocked. I didn’t know what to reply.

Do I love him ? I don’t know. I genuinely do not know. I am quite indifferent towards him. I’ve learnt many years ago that he and I were too different and that I couldn’t do let him get to me with his negativity. I and some of my alters protected ourselves against all of his comments.

Anyway… I had an argument with my dad ! I’m totally seeing my therapist this week !



This post was written last week but needed a bit of time to process before publishing it.


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