Losing a part/alter

One of the first thing I’ve asked my therapist 5 years ago was: would they (the parts) go away ?

She explained to me that it was unlikely but that I can learn from them and be more “in control”. I was really sad to know that DID wasn’t “treatable”. Either with medications or therapy. I didn’t want any of those alters things I created. I was so angry with myself and hated every bit of the DID.

 

Did I lose Treize (one of my alters) ?

Couple of years ago, we were working with Treize. She was created at the time my parents divorced (I kicked my dad out of the house because I couldn’t deal with him beating up my mum. You also have to understand that I am my mum’s mum. Not literally of course but I’ve mothered her since I was 5. I will come back to that another time).

Treize was created because I was scared of my dad, that he could hurt me (which he never did for the record. Not physically at least). She was the one that had to go every month to my dad’s asking for the alimony. She is terrified of him as well but was in the front to take the verbal abuse from him. She and The Mum were often going to cook for my dad or help him with some chores.

Then he met my step mum. 18 years younger than him and only 10 years older than me. I was 13.

When she arrived in our lives, it got even more complicated for Treize. His new girlfriend (stepmum few years later) wanted nothing to do with us (me and my little brother). She saw a guy with quite a bit of money, freshly divorced, why bother with the kids, right ?

Anyway. Treize done a great job for few years.

 

For few years after that Ana & Anabelle took over. That’s another story. Back to Treize.

 

I used to switch to Treize  everytime I saw my dad. Until I started my DID therapy.

After working on the issue around the time I was 13 with my therapist, Treize talked and we resolved some problems and other unresolved issues.

Treize faded away. I was scared and talked to my therapist about it. Treize isn’t really there anymore. I can feel her but cannot communicate with her.
I spent that session with my therapist crying because Treize is gone. Treize is gone and I cried. I am now more scared of losing my alters than I was at the start. I got attached to every of my alters and I don’t want them to go away.

 

J. talked to one of his friend not so long ago about my DID (his friend’s wife is schizophrenic) and that friend said to J. “at least your wife is never alone and have always someone to talk too”. J. and I never realised thought of DID that way but it’s true, I’m never alone. I have great fun with each of alters. I have hard time, don’t make me wrong, but I’m never by myself. I talk to them in our safe room, I do stuff with them, etc.

Treize faded away and I am sad because I would like to spend time with her. I love all my alters.

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