Depression is a life sentence

Have I ever written how much depression sucks in this blog ? I probably did few times but let me tell you one thing: DEPRESSION SUCKS ! SO ! FREAKING ! BAD !

The black dog caught me real good since the beginning of the year. I don’t seem to shake it off. Everything seems and feels bland. I can’t seem to feel anything except guilt, and uselessness, and emptiness.

I don’t understand why. I don’t understand why it is so hard at the moment. I have everything to be happy but no ! I know that depression isn’t related to what you actually have but surely it should help, no ?!

I’m so tired all the time. And I am in so much pain, all the time. My body aches, my brain aches. And I still don’t understand.

I lied to myself thinking that one day, I will be happy and that my depression will go away. I’ve always known that depression isn’t something that goes away, but I’ve had hope.

It’s just so unfair. I’ve had a pretty good year mental health wise last year and since January I seem to be back to 2015 (my worst year ever).

I can deal with my DID and my alters, I can deal with negativity but I cannot deal anymore with depression ?

What am I suppose to do with myself when I feel like that ? When I’m supposed to run a business but cannot even face having a shower ? When the thought of eating make me feel sick ?

Fuck you black dog !

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