I cannot believe it’s been 7 months since last time I’ve written here. The thing is I love my blog, I love writing about DID and explaining what it is to live with a mental illness.
But sometimes it’s hard. When I am very low, I don’t want to write because I’m scared that people would think I’m whining and complaining. When I am feeling good, I don’t want to write because I “have nothing to say”.
Well 2016 was a pretty good year for me to be honest. I’m in a better place in my head and life. I’m still figuring out stuff and I’m still switching some times to times but in general it has been a good year.
In September 2016, I stopped seeing my therapist. 1- because I had a feeling like I had nothing else to work one or say 2- because I struggle financially (and yes I am paying privately a DID psychotherapist). I will write more about it soon.
And you know what ? Even if I’m happier, even if I don’t see my therapist anymore (or at the moment should I say), I am still struggling. I know it sounds silly but I was hoping that after my massive breakthrough in 2015, I would be just… happy. I was hoping that depression wouldn’t be part of my life anymore, that I would not switch as much, that controlling my DID meant that I didn’t need to worry about it anymore.
All LIES ! Don’t make me wrong, I’m the one that lied to myself so I don’t blame anyone.
I would like to write more this year. I need to realise that I’m writing for myself and if I help someone in the process, then great. DID can suck at time especially paired with another mental illness like depression and I need to protect us.