I’ve meant to write a blog a week at least and life goes in the way. As some may already be aware, despite having DID, I have my own business. Since I am feeling better, I am more productive and therefore busier than ever.
I love blogging but it’s usually something that goes on the bottom of my to-do list. It would be quite interesting to know how many DIDers have their own business. Anyway. Quick update for today.
The week at my parents wasn’t as bad as I expected. I’m saying that because I wasn’t fronting most of the time. I find myself switching more when I am around my parents. I do love them but my mum have a way to trigger me, I know she doesn’t do it on purpose of course.
I found myself being quite hard with my mum sometimes. I try to forgive and to tell myself that she wasn’t in the right place herself, that she did the best she could but part of me (haha) is still very much angry with her. I am working on myself on that with the help of my alters.
It was my dad’s birthday whilst I was in France. I didn’t tell him I was in France. I texted him, he called me and we talked for a total of… 1min30 ! woohoo ! Best record so far ! He, of course, didn’t mention the email I sent to him and my step mum in January. I think I can dream about having an apology from them. But I will not give up this time, I won’t make the first step, I will stay strong.
Strangely enough, since he is not part of my life and that I don’t need to try harder to impress him, I am much happier and as I explained above, I am actually more productive. It is quite a relief to be honest.
For the very first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am happy. It’s not easy, don’t make me wrong. I work a lot on myself and there are a lot of things that need to be “fixed”. But I have plans and goals. It makes a hell of a difference.
Someone told me few days ago that I “changed” in a good way, that she finds me happier and brighter. And I do feel happier and brighter.
The small voices in my head are of course telling me that it won’t last but we are working on that. As I said, it is a lot of work but we all want to make it work. I listen to my alters more and try to please everyone the best I can and explain when I can’t or when we have to compromise. I also am more selfish, but in a good way. I try to listen to me, my body, my alters. I try to do things that are pleasing me, not because other people want me to. Do you know what I mean ?
So much is going on at the moment. Hopefully I will have time to blog more in the next few days, I have so much to write about. I also hope that I can give a little bit of hope to people that are starting their therapy with a DID diagnosis.
Anyway. Have a wonderful day everyone !