I am part of a couple of Facebook group for DID. I don’t participate a lot but I love most of the discussion.
One grab my attention this week. Someone posted a question about having 2 hosts and not knowing about it. I replied that my system is composed of 2 hosts. That person then ask me “Were you aware of each other?”
It’s something I never really tried to explain but I find it very interesting.
Here’s my reply: “No not really to be honest. For a long time I thought I had only one host and 5 alters but through therapy we realised that actually we had 2 hosts. I can’t switch to her like I do with the alters. She is always here if that makes sense. I am sometimes struggling to know where she begins and where I end, our lines are crossing all the time but I can feel her. It’s different that the alters, she doesn’t hold a past or memory, she was created after Emily (the little one) to protect her and after that us all. She is the great protector of our system, she has I think much more power than I do to be honest, she keeps me in the straight line, she is our mum really. Not sure if all make sense, I’ve never really tried to explain before. Oh and J. can recognise all my alters but cannot with her, the switch is very different than the alters, it’s much more settle. Actually with her it’s not really a switch, I don’t have the pins and needles, she takes over when the system is in distress. My voice doesn’t change like the others.”
Having 2 hosts is very different that having alters. As explain, the switches aren’t the same, it is not really switch to be honest.
I feel myself lucky to have a “simple” system, 2 hosts, 4 alters but some DIDers can have a system within a system, each of their hosts can have their own alters or even an alter can have their own alters.
I knew all that before of course but the brain would never stop to amaze me. :)
One thought on “My 2 hosts”
It makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for sharing.