Living with DID seem both simple and complex.
From the outside, I have a pretty simple and easy life for anyone else.
The first 3 days of the week, I try to work from home, I am building 2 businesses (I’m trying at least).
I wake up at 7.45am and drive J. to the train station. I come back home and have a breakfast. I have a shower and get ready. I have a look at my agenda and start working (either work or housework). I have lunch and carry on the afternoon to work. I sometimes see friends on the afternoon. Later on in the afternoon, I pick up J. from the train station.
The next 3 days I work at a little cafe.
I wake up at 7.00am and get ready for work. I drive J. to the train station and go to work. I smile to the customers and make jokes. I like socialising. I pick up J. from the train station around 6.30pm.
Sundays are my day off and I spend it with J.
Some evenings, I have some activities like book club. Every couple of weeks I’m seeing my therapist.
Now from the inside, it’s much more complicated.
Waking up on the morning is very difficult. Most nights, I have bad dreams or nightmares and I wake up very tired. It’s tiring for myself but also for J.. He often has to calm me down during the night, or I move a lot and keep him awake. Not easy but we cannot sleep apart.
I drive J. to work and come back home. I usually need between 30min and 1h to “feel” alive and have my breakfast. I usually try to work a little before my shower. Once that done, I need a good few minutes to “recover” as my energy is drained very easily on the morning.
I try to have lunch and have an external battle with Ana and Anabelle. Deciding what to eat is always complicated. I am vegetarian but Emily (The Little One) isn’t and Ana and Anabelle just want to make us sick. Lunch and dinner are always very complicated.
On the afternoon, I usually have a meeting with my alters to explain what I need to do and try to allow them time during the week for their own stuff. We all love to read so we always try to find some time for that at least. I try to work but some of my alters don’t like it (knowing I am at home make things harder). I often have to battle with thoughts.
Evenings are quieter but dinner is always a panicky moment. I usually have panic attack whilst eating because of Ana and Anabelle.
All my alters and I usually have a talk on the evenings before bed time and put Emily to bed.
Bed time, we usually read (books that Emily cannot read with us. It’s for that that we usually read 3 to 4 books at once). Before, it was difficult to sleep as alters wanted to switch and take over which mean that my sleep time was very short and limited. Now we have a rule that stated that we are all going to bed around midnight. The rule is usually followed by everyone except when I forget to give them time during the day/week.
Going out and socialising give us panic attacks. If we go to somewhere we know, it’s usually fine. If we are going to somewhere new, panic attacks are common. It’s not rare that I cancel things if we are scared. I don’t like routine but at the same time, we don’t like new things. It’s a constant battle.
Socialising on the evenings is even harder. Drinking alcohol help my switching. Ana and Anabelle take over and it often end up in self harming and blood and attacking J. Yep, they’ve attacked him 3 times so far and it’s hard for him because I switch between them 2 and Emily whom is scared. J. must then changed his attitude depending who’s here. The next day, I usually feel terribly guilty and sore (because of the cuts). My alcohol intake is now very controlled by myself and J.
So here you go, that’s my life with DID. It’s a lot of battle and talk with my alters. Everything we do must be discussed with everyone else.
D.I.D I say crazy ? 